“At least your baby is healthy”—a well-meaning but often dismissive comment. Of course, a healthy baby is the ultimate goal, but what about the birth experience itself? The fear, pain, and disappointment you felt? Your feelings matter, too.
My own birth experiences were far from what I had envisioned. My first birth ended in a hospital transfer and a C-section, which left me feeling like a failure. My second birth, though a home birth, involved complications that led to a hospital transfer, where I felt belittled and scared. These experiences made me question my ability and worth.
When I got pregnant with Eden, I envisioned a home birth. However, my traumatic previous hospital experience made me reconsider. I decided on a planned hospital birth, a choice I never thought I’d make. I spent my pregnancy preparing mentally and physically, even posting my birth plan online. What I didn’t share was my strong desire to avoid going past 41 weeks and my aversion to induction. Yet, despite my best intentions, I found myself scheduled for an induction.
On my 35th birthday, I walked into the hospital, feeling both surreal and anxious. By 10:01 PM, my water was broken, and I was 4 cm dilated. Contractions began slowly but intensified quickly, and fear took over. I was overwhelmed and decided to get an epidural, despite it never being part of my plan. The laughing gas provided some relief, but I felt detached from the experience.
With the epidural in place, I rested and tried to enjoy the process. However, complications arose—Eden’s heart rate began to decelerate, and the OB suggested using a vacuum to assist with delivery. Eden was born at 7:13 AM after a challenging delivery with shoulder dystocia. Though the birth didn’t go as planned, Eden and I were okay.
So, what now? How do we process and heal from such experiences? First, know that your feelings are valid. Birth trauma is real, and it’s okay to seek help and support. Forgive yourself and others, and remember that your experience matters.
My journey with Eden was not the birth I had imagined, but it was everything I needed. It was healing and gave me a deeper understanding of what it means to support others through their births. It’s okay to feel a little disappointed and still be grateful for a healthy baby. If you’re struggling with your birth experience, know that you’re not alone, and there’s support available to help you heal.
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